My passion for working as a counsellor stems from my own experiences and also through the shared experiences of many people I’ve talked to over the past 15 years.
Looking back on my own life I see it unfolding in stages. I have come to identify these stages as MyDream, My Reality and Waking Up.
Growing up I learned I ‘should’ be a good girl and do what I’m told.
My reward for being a good girl:
When I grew up Mr. Right would find me, and provide a perfect life of happy ever after. I was a very good girl and couldn’t wait to grow up.
By my late 20’s I was a divorced single mother, unhappy, in a dead end job and in another unhealthy relationship. I felt disillusioned; this was not the life I expected. I wondered what I had done wrong and thought I wasn’t ‘good enough’ to have my ‘perfect’ life.
Life felt very painful and I desperately wanted change.
In my mid 30’s I discovered the ‘good girl’ inside of me. I became aware of the messages I received while growing up about how I ‘should’ be if I wanted to be happy. I was taught to play a supporting role, to make others happy, do as I was told and not bring attention to myself. I was told that my main value was to find a good man who would marry me.
The ‘should’ messages that I had internalized held me back from being myself and living a fulfilling and happy life. From working with so many men and women over the years, I have found that each one of us has our own unique set of messages that we’ve carried with us throughout our lives. For me, I can see how not being myself held me back. I experienced social anxiety, lacked confidence in myself and sought love, approval and acceptance from others. I stayed in jobs that I didn’t enjoy and remained in unfulfilling relationships because I was afraid to make mistakes, and afraid to be alone.
It became clear that if I wanted a happy life I needed to stop waiting for someone to provide that for me. It was my responsibility to transform my life.
I started challenging the ‘should’ messages and discovered myself buried underneath.
After 8 years of living away from Canada I returned. I continued my ‘breaking free’ process by talking to other people. I learned that many men and women from different age groups also experience unhappiness, don’t know who they are; are disillusioned with love relationships and feel ‘stuck’ both personally and professionally.
I became deeply inspired to help my clients break free as I have done so they do not have to continue suffering a moment longer.
I still enjoy being the ‘good girl’ when I ‘choose’ to do the things I need to do for family, friends and community, but now I take care of my own needs first.